The Disco-Cutioner: He Can Dance Like No Man Can And No Man Should

Name? Address?

Paul Czarnowski
3746 N. Tripp
Chicago, Il, 60641

Birthday

Ben Murphy Day, 1976

Numbers to contact me with:

17. 94. 23. 5. 55. 666. However, shouting these numbers out loud may not result in contact with subject...

Phone #s to contact me with:

In Chicago, dial 1-773-205-0311 and kindly ask to talk to me.

It's a continent and a country

What is Australia, Alex?

Moral Upbringing and Other Institutions of Violence

High School:
Loyola Academy
People from this school stop me on the street and say, "hey, I remember you! Class of 94, right?" Right, but these people still draw a blank and I keep on walkin'.

College 'N' Other Places:
University Of Illinois, Champaign/Urbana
Fall 94-Fall 95
Reason for leaving? Something about "not living up to the standards set by the faculty" or something like that.
Studies: Look, I'm not going to lie to you. I don't even remember this school anymore. It smelled kinda funny and bar patrons were always laughable, but that's about it.

Wright Community College in Chicago
Took a course on music history, Summer 95. Got a B. It was cool.

Parkland Community College
After a year & a half, I ain't goin' there anymore. Took some useful classes, one in recording studio techniques. Fun!

University Of Illinois in Chicago (UIC)
U.O.I. LITE is basically a big slab of concrete. Wow. Been there in Communications since Fall 1997. Exciting.

Object

Closer than it appears.

Special Skills

I can type!
I don't like the Spice Girls, I didn't see their damn movie, and I didn't cry when one of them left.
Lapdancing lapdancing lapdancing!
I am faster than a speeding building and I am able to leap over HO scale trains.
I can dance like no man can.
...and no man should.
I was the poster child for Viagra.
I used to know the whole "Like A Virgin" speech from Resivior Dogs.
I now know where I am 40% of the time, but right now I'm in that 60% range...
Sometimes I manage to make sense.
Sometimes.
I stay crunchy in milk.
I have not watched a single episode of "Touched By An Angel."
Bacon tastes good, pork chops tastes good.
Did I mention Lapdancing, Lapdancing, Lapdancing?
For a year I thought I was Ted "Theodore" Logan.

Hobbies & interests & things you should not know

I play bass guitar and I write songs about killing people and cheese and sometimes even killing people with cheese.

Gettin' Paid

6a. writer, The Chicago Flame: Inferno. I write really mean movie & album reviews.
!. Flames Radio, HARDCORE WITHOUT PANTS host and Music Director. Job terminated 2-26-99. Whoopie!
*. Book Store Flunkie, at the Epicenter Bookstore at 750 S. Halsted. I just stand there and look good.
E. Comic Book Store Flunkie. I just stopped working at G-Mart, a comic book store in downtown Champaign, although I DO occasionally make fake print ads for them, some of which end up being used in actual magazines. You can stop on in and buy stuff or order stuff off them on the web!!! Really! Isn't that exciting?!? Of course it is.
3. W-E-F-T Champaign 90.1. I was the Host on a music show called "Hardcore...without Pants!" I'm "Faithful Sidekick Paul." I used to annoy the former host Scott Bellgrau on his show ("Hardcore With Scott"), but he graduated with a CPA and is going to law school and had no time to spend two hours every Wednesday night bickering with me about which bands suck and why I'm not allowed to play with sharp objects. I then did HWOP with Sidekick Sidekick Rich Morgan, except it was a bit sillier. We now have an 85-minute "best of" available, so if you want a copy...
I was also the Metal Director of the station. Not any more.
16. Pizza Maker, Papa Del's on Green St., Champaign, Illinois. I'm constantly being outsmarted by the pizzas. That's bad, right? I stopped working there in July of 97. I had many nightmares about pizzamaking within the week...
T. Lab rat, U.O.I. Department Of Psychology. I get shocked every once in a while but I get free cheese so it's worth it.
%. Sanitation Engineer, United Methodist Church, Park Ridge, Illinois. It's an eerie feeling to clean up a place you've been excommunicated from, trust me...
?. Illini Media Co., 57 E. Green, Champaign, Il, 61820. I wrote for the Tube and did a few Features articles. I've been working for the paper since September 95 and will continue writing for the paper until May 96. You can see some of my articles on my bio page. Go there now.
9. Sanitation Engineer, University Of Illinois Building Operation & Maintenance, Physical Plant, 1501 S. Oak. Reason for leaving? The glory of cleaning toilets at 4am kinda went away after a month or so...

Goals

None really, I'd like to get a job and work for a company and mind my own business without having to bring the company to its knees or let the system turn me into a mindless work-slave. I also promise that with the money I make working, none of it will ever be invested in movie ventures that will later be featured on USA's "Up All Night" (this promise will not be honored).

Anything Else?

Not really. If you actually consider me, thanks, that's cool. I enjoy writing (read the damn articles!) and even more so I enjoy playing my bass and watching the Simpsons. But watching the Simpsons won't get me a job, now will it? If there is a position that has such a requirement, PLEASE CONTACT ME IMMEDIATELY. Once again, I do take cash.

Go back to the Ron Rodent Bio Page or, if that's too boring, go back to the BUG page. KIADM!