Robert Suggs (June 26, 1998)The Ten Least Collectible Ghostly Books1. THE COLLECTED BLURBS OF STEPHEN KING, Vol. I - Future generations will remember The King as much for his ubiquitous paperback cover blurbs as for his own writing. Volume I includes such classics as ‘I've seen the future of horror and its name is Clive Barker,' ‘Leon Butterworth is today's finest writer of horror,' ‘I've seen the future of horror and its name is Wendell Goldstein,' and thousands more. Comes with a coupon for your own personal King blurb: ‘I've seen the future of aluminum siding sales, and its name is (your name here).'
2. LIFE'S LITTLE BOOK OF INCANTATIONS - Is the Devil in the details of your life? Now he can be! Learn loads of spells, charms and mojos related to grouting bathroom tile, eliminating unsightly nasal hair, programming VCRs and much, much more. Tired of friends who think you only want to turn them into toads? This is the book for you.
3. THE OCCULT FILES OF WINSTON CHURCHILL - Newest release in Ash-Tree Press' Psychic Detective series. At the turn of the century a young gentleman, destined for greatness, investigates supernatural phenomena. He and his faithful companion Oscar Wilde cast out evil spirits solely by means of their verbal wit. Example: ‘"You sir, are drunk!" howled the apparition. "Tomorrow, my lady, I'll be sober," Churchill replied, "but you'll still be dead!"'
4. ‘HE WAS PARTIAL TO EARL GREY': STUDIES IN A RECENTLY DISCOVERED GROCERY LIST OF M. R. JAMES. New from The Haunted Library.
5. SERIAL KILLERS FOR CHRISTMAS, edited by Richard Dalby. Held at gunpoint by his publisher, Dalby feels compelled to offer another stocking full of blood and entrails for a Cruel Yule. An Instant Remainder.
6. UNCOLLECTED WRITINGS OF FITZRUPERT LAMPWICK, LAST OF THE DECADENTS - (Ghost Story Press) The ultimate fin de siecle decadent, Lampwick's life was one long, drunken orgy. True to his ideals, he never actually wrote a story or essay before his notorious suicide at an 1899 Wagnerian opera (he impaled himself on an alto's horned helmet). This new volume, then, is full of uncollected Lampwick--totally devoid of any text whatsoever, it's a completist's dream...
7. PLUSH, MURMURING ROBERT AICKMAN DOLL FOR YOUR CHILD - Is your toddler at an intellectual dead-end with Barney and the Tele-Tubbies? Offer her this delightfully intriguing (if not particularly cuddly) doll of England's late master of ‘strange tales.' Squeeze his cerebellum and Robert murmurs unforgettable phrases such as, ‘Her back was totally covered by a green, mossy growth' and ‘It is the mystery which remains, not the explanation.' Comes with one copy of ‘A Child's First Book of Inland Waterways.'
8. HUGH LAMB'S THE WHIFF OF EVIL - Lamb unearths long-buried tales of olfactory terror. Includes Suggs's ‘The Spectral Belch,' Hodgson's ‘The Terror in the Septic Tank,' Salmonson's ‘Charmless Ghosts,' Fredric Brown's ‘The Armpits of Satan,' and seven stories by Joe R. Lansdale.
9. R. L. STINE LIMITED EDITION BOXED SET - This fine slipcased set is autographed by five board members of the multi-national conglomerate which controls the Goosebumps franchise plus 17 of the 47 ghost- writers. Also a coupon for Clearasil. Books include: ‘The Thing That Was, Like, Really Gnarly,' ‘Greasy, Grimy Gopher Guts,' ‘It, Like, Came From Beneath Yer Butt, Dude' and the beloved ‘Puke, Monster, Puke!'
10. WRITER'S DIGEST GUIDE TO HORROR MARKETS 1999 - Now on one handy rolodex card.
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rbadac (June 26, 1998)
I want that murmuring Aickman doll...bad.I think I've seen the Churchill book- isn't that the one in which the ghost lady comes up to him and says, 'Sir, I care neither for your politics nor your mustache!', and Churchill replies, 'Awww, kiss my ass !' ?
I have the Lampwick, only I'm using it as an autograph book.
James shopped at MegaMarket, unless it was double-coupon day at Piggly-Wiggly.
Dalby would NEVER do that....would he?
Hugh Lamb would NEVER do that... would he?
R.L Stine doesn't do anything ELSE....does he?
King and the Devil still sell, buddy.
I have the Horror Markets tattooed on my
rbadac
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