8.12.1 Loss | 8.12.2 Guilt | 8.12.3 Projection and Transference | 8.12.4 Sabotage | 8.12.5 Child Rearing Issues | 8.12.6 Stress Management | 8.12.7 Bonding and Attachment | 8.12.8 Anger and Resentment | 8.12.9 Morbidity and Mortality | 8.12.10 Fantasies | 8.12.11 Overcompensation and Competition
The caseworker must provide clinical services to the child, parent(s) and caregiver in kinship care cases. Caseworkers need to understand the relationships among the members of the triad both from a family systems perspective in order to managing changes that will promote safety, well-being and permanency for the child.
Crumby & Little
identify the following as issues which affect the child, parent, and caregiver:
· Loss
· Role and Boundary
· Guilt
· Projection/Transference
· Loyalty
· Child Rearing Practices
· Stress Management and Physical Limitations
· Bonding and Attachment
· Dualism
· Anger and Resentment
· Morbidity and Mortality
· Fantasies
· Over-Compensation and Competition
These issues affect each member of the triad in different but very related ways. If these issues are not identified and addressed, safety, permanency and well-being for the child can be adversely affected. Following is a brief explanation of each issue from the perspective of each member of the triad.
Child. The child experiences the loss of the parent and the corresponding loss of identity that occurs when separation occurs. Additionally the child suffers the loss of the relationship that he/she has with the caregiver. Thus a child placed with the grandmother in reality loses his or her grandmother as the grandmother's role shifts to that of the primary caregiver.
Parent. Placement causes the parent to lose their purpose, role and relationship with the child. The identity that comes from caring for and raising a child is now gone. There is both a physical and potential emotional detachment from the child. Regardless of the abuse or neglect, the parent has a primary identification as the parent of the child. When the child is removed this role is lost.
Caregiver. The caregiver suffers an interruption of the life cycle and the loss of leisure time, living space and privacy. Priorities must be modified according to the needs of the child. For example, the grandparent loses that role and gives up many of the activities associated with being both a grandparent and a middle age to older adult. The caregiver, to be truly successful, must now place the child's needs above his/her own.
Child. The child may feel that it is his or her fault that the family has split up. They may also feel that they are a burden to the relative caregiver based on the sacrifices and changes that the caregiver may have to make. The child may experience feelings of inferiority toward children who are born later and remain at home and other children who reside with their own parents.
Parent. The parent can feel that they have failed as both a parent and as a son or daughter. There may be a profound sense of embarrassment because they have lost custody of their child to the child welfare system.
Caregiver. The caregiver may feel that they have contributed to the family's disruption caused either by the actual reporting of the abuse or neglect and/or because they did not do a good enough job in raising the parent of the child. They may experience feelings that they did not do enough to prevent the abuse and/or neglect. Guilt may arise from a greater sense of commitment to meeting the child's need than to meeting the needs of their own child. Relatives may feel embarrassed because of the failure of the birth parents to maintain and care for the child.
Child. The child may have unresolved issues of rejection and abandonment. Their anger with their parents may be transferred to the relative caregiver. This displacement of anger and rage can make for a very difficult placement adjustment.
Parent. The parent may have past positive or negative feelings about the relative caregiver that affect the interactions between the parent and caregiver. These feelings can also be transferred to the child complicating the interaction between the parent, child and caregiver. Positive feelings that the parent has towards the caregiver may change to negative or strained relationships. Negative feelings may in fact grow and become more ingrained.
Caregiver. Unresolved issues with the birth parent may be transferred to the child. For example, the caregiver may state that the child is "just like daddy" and the history indicates that "daddy" has major negative behaviors. It will be key for the caseworker to help the caregiver to see the child as an individual with a separate identity and personality from the parent.
The issue of sabotage can originate from either the child or the parents and include triangulation in which both join together to disrupt the placement in the belief that if it disrupts they will be able to reunite. Thus the child may act out in the belief that it will force the issue of reunification. The parent on the other hand may orchestrate and support this behavior in the hope that the placement will fail. From a family systems perspective this type of triangulation is unhealthy and does not promote the improved functioning that would support a safe return home or successful completion of one of the alternative permanency goals.
Child. The child is subject to one set of rules and parental expectations while with their parent and another set when they are placed. Often the initial rules in the kinship home change as the caregiver and child adapt and see areas that require change or accommodation. Changing of the rules requires communication with the child and adjustment on his or her part. Failure of the child to adapt to the rules in the caregiver's home will create additional pressure and stress within the home.
Parents. The parents, whose child rearing practices have resulted in placement, must develop appropriate child rearing techniques to demonstrate to the child, caregivers and child welfare system that they have made the changes necessary to safely care for their child.
Caregiver. The kinship caregiver needs to obtain, update and or recall child rearing techniques and methods. Thus, in the case of the grandparent who has raised their children, they are now plunged back into the world of raising a child. Their own days as a parent may have passed long ago.
The need to refocus and understand the immediate and ever changing needs of the child can be pivotal in the overall success of the placement. From an assessment and treatment perspective the question is whether the caregiver is capable of understanding the child care and child rearing needs of the child and whether they can make the necessary adaptations to meet these needs.
Stress management issues are similar for the parent and the relative caregiver. Both parents and caregivers can be faced with how to take care of high energy and special needs children. Additionally if the caregiver or parent is caring for a sibling group, the amount of the stress associated with care is multiplied. Assessment should focus on how well the caregiver and/or parent can tolerate stress, what their responses are to stress and what can be done to manage the stress. It is destructive for the child when the caregiver constantly requests, or threatens, removal of the child in order to control the child's behavior. This stress reaction tends to erode the authority and competence of the caregiver and prevents all parties from focusing on well-being and permanency for the child.
While stress is inevitable in most people's lives, the problem for caretakers and parents develops when the stress levels are so high that the child's safety, well-being and permanency are threatened. Caseworkers must assess the stressors in the kinship network and determine if it is detrimental to the child. Interventions to help manage the stress may be needed and should be provided.
Child. If the caretaker is experiencing long-term stress, it will have an effect on the child. Thus stress saps valuable physical and emotional energy from a caretaker that the child may need. It generates a preoccupation with the resolution of the stressor at the exclusion of the child, and if not resolved threatens the stability of the placement
Child. From the child's point of view there is a definite bonding change. The child must change their perception of the kinship caregiver from relative to a parent. They must learn to accept the new kinship caregiver in both a nurturing and authoritative role. The child must also redefine their role with their own parent.
Parent. The parent's bond and attachment with their child also changes. They are no longer the person who is primarily responsible for the care and well-being of their child. They are forced to give this up to someone else in the kinship network. Depending on case circumstances, quality of visitation and progress with their case plan, this may be a short-term loss or one which becomes permanent.
Caregiver. One should not assume that because a child is placed with a relative that there is an automatic transfer of the parental bond. The role change also requires a bonding and attachment change. The relative moves from having a relative/child relationship to a parent/child relationship.
Anger and resentment are fairly typical emotions that occur in child, caregiver and parent.
Child. The child is angry with their birth parents for abandoning and rejecting him. She may be angry with the caregiver for taking her in. The child may be "mad at the world" and feel that what has happened to them is unfair. Remember that a child's perception of the world is shaped by their age, developmental stage, ability to communicate and general intelligence.
Parent. Anger and resentment by the parent is a typical response especially early on in a placement situation. They may be angry with the kinship caregiver for becoming the surrogate parent, angry with the agency for removing the child and angry with their child for becoming attached to the relative. For progress to occur, this anger needs to be resolved.
Caregiver. The caregiver may be angry at the birth parents because of the abuse and neglect that caused the harm and resulted in placement. Once the children are placed the caregiver may be angry because the parent is not addressing their problem behavior or they may not be visiting enough. As placement continues, the caregiver's anger may shift as the parent tries to regain custody. The caregiver also may feel anger towards the child as they perceive the child's loyalty towards the parents and even to the agency.
Child. The child may have already experienced the death of a parent, siblings and friends, and may now wonder "who will take care of me." The losses that they have suffered, including prior terminations, often surface again and again as they face other losses. If a child is placed with an elderly caregiver or one with medical issues they may wonder what will happen to them if the caregiver dies or is other wise unable to care for them. The child may also be very concerned about their parents and the possibility that harm may befall them.
Parents. Many of the parents with whom we work encounter street violence, drug addiction, alcoholism and HIV. They often do not have or follow through with primary health care. They face the issues of illness and death on a regular basis.
Caretakers. As mentioned earlier many of the kinship caregivers are older and as such, face more health problems than non-related caretakers. Grandparents and great aunts and uncles often are providing for younger children while at the same time beginning to face questions of their own mortality. Back-up care and the ability of the larger kinship network to assist older caretakers, must be assessed and addressed.
Child. Children often refuse to recognize the reality of their family situation. They harbor the hope and dreams that their family will come together. The longer they remain in placement, the longer these fantasies persist. These hopes and dreams must be re-directed so that closure and rebirth and attachment to the kinship network can occur.
Parents. Parents often present their children with unrealistic promises regarding reunification and their resolution of the problems that necessitated placement. They may have difficulty accepting limits set by the caregivers and the agency, and may refuse to accept the reality that they are no longer in the primary parenting role. They may not understand that permanency for their children may result in losing their parental rights and never regaining physical custody of their child.
Caregivers. Reunification becomes a fantasy when it isn't achievable yet the relative caregiver keeps it alive in the mind of the child. This is an important issue to address so that the alternative permanency plan can be pursued in a timely manner. Just as the parent and the child must come to understand what is real in terms of permanency, so too must the kinship caregiver.
Child. The child tends to be the one who suffers when parents and caregivers compete for loyalty and custody of the child.
Parent. The parent may attempt to make up for the separation by not cooperating with the caregiver and the agency, or may shower the child with gifts while not making the necessary changes needed for successful reunification. Providing gifts or perpetuating false hope feeds the fantasies of the child and the parent and prevents the achievement of emotional permanency.
Caregiver. The caregiver may attempt to make up for the child's losses, atone for the inadequate parent's behavior and compensate for the physical or psychic abuse that the child has experienced. This overcompensation may surface as inconsistent parenting, denial or refusal to address problematic behavior and sheltering the child from painful issues that need to be resolved
8.12.1 Loss | 8.12.2 Guilt | 8.12.3 Projection and Transference | 8.12.4 Sabotage | 8.12.5 Child Rearing Issues | 8.12.6 Stress Management | 8.12.7 Bonding and Attachment | 8.12.8 Anger and Resentment | 8.12.9 Morbidity and Mortality | 8.12.10 Fantasies | 8.12.11 Overcompensation and Competition