Al-Anon Family Group

The Forum magazine articles - October 2006

The following articles from the October 2006 issue are reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqs., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.  For more articles, check The Forum archive.  
 

 

I've been struggling with a situation concerning three coworkers for several weeks. They have been arguing for six months, continually getting under each other's skin and intentionally doing things to anger each other. In my observation, two of them were ganging up on the other.      Sitting at my desk, I wished my coworkers would all just shut up. I thought about requesting a transfer because they were getting to me.      This situation reminded me how I felt as a child living with my addicted and mentally ill parents. Then I had to make the situation better, take sides, and figure out who was the victim and who was the perpetrator. Of course, I would stand up for the victim.      But in the office situation, I imagined calling my Sponsor to tell her how horribly my coworkers were acting. Then I imagined her response. "What has this got to do with you? They aren't in charge of your serenity—you are."      That's when I remembered that my problems at work are just that—my problems. I needed to clean my side of the street.      So, I did. I called my Sponsor to talk about what was going on. She said just what I thought she’d say. After 12 years with the same Sponsor, very few of my problems or solutions are new.      I shared about my work situation in Al-Anon meetings. I made several phone calls to people in the program.      I realized some of the things my coworkers were doing reminded me of behaviors I have or have had in the past. Behaviors I'm ashamed of that I've consciously marginalized. I took responsibility for that.      One thing I know for sure—I'm only as sane as the program I'm working. If I go to meetings, work the Steps, read program literature, and pray—I'm sane.      If I skip meetings, forget to pray, don't take time to call people in the program, become too busy to read literature—I start creeping back to insanity. Focusing on others is my first clue that I'm slowly going insane again.      I'm still in the middle of the process of finding serenity at work. Now I use headphones to tune out my coworkers' bickering. I won't discuss anyone unless they are present. I work my program.      It only took me a couple of days to clear up the part I played in the situation. When I first started in Al-Anon, it would've easily taken three months and many tearful phone calls with my Sponsor.       Does this mean I avoid problems and difficulties in my life if I work the program? Absolutely not! But I'll take the sweet pain of experiencing life fully—hurts and all—over the excruciating fear of denying reality and abandoning my responsibilities to myself any day.

 

Some weeks back when I attended a meeting, I was concerned as I parked my car. No one was in the parking lot and the building looked deserted. I was a bit early, though, so I got out of my car, tried the outside door, and was surprised when it opened.      I walked up the stairs and spotted a member sitting on the floor in the hallway. She was eating what I presumed to be her supper. We chatted a bit. She told me that the person who was to unlock our meeting room had not yet arrived. I relaxed a bit, feeling reassured there would be a meeting.      Several other people arrived. No one could remember who had taken the key the previous week. Slowly, others joined us on the floor. Soon the hall was filling up, but yet we didn't have the key.      Who had it? Where were they?      One woman told us she had had a similar experience, but they just went ahead and held the meeting in the hallway. I remembered going to a meeting some years back and finding a newcomer standing outside a locked building. There, too, no one showed up with the key. The newcomer and I both expressed the need for a meeting and we kept checking the road for some sign of a vehicle, but no one came. Almost pleading, the newcomer said, "I really need a meeting."      A picnic table looked inviting, so I suggested that the newcomer and I could have our own little meeting there. We must have been a funny sight standing by that picnic table reciting the Serenity Prayer.      We sort of mumbled through what we could remember of the Suggested Al-Anon/Alateen Welcome, Steps, and Traditions, and then launched into a topic. "Trust" was our choice that night. As I look back on that meeting, we put trust into practice.      We trusted our Higher Power would be with us and guide us through our meeting. We trusted each other enough to unburden our hearts even though we had never met before. In spite of the fact that both of us hadn't been in the program very long, we trusted that what we understood of the program would work for us.      We closed with a prayer and left the meeting feeling comforted. We became lifelong friends and often say to each other, "The God of our understanding put us together."      Back in the hallway, it became obvious that we would either have a meeting in the hall or we would go home. Not everyone was comfortable with the idea of sharing in a public space, but we all stayed.      One woman volunteered to chair. We made use of members' Al-Anon books to guide us through the Suggested Al-Anon/Alateen Welcome, Steps, and Traditions.      An outsider wandered through our meeting and asked what we were doing. We explained that we were holding an Al-Anon meeting. He looked rather thoughtful as he walked away. We lowered our voices and continued the meeting.      Halfway through the meeting, two newcomers arrived. They were confused about the meeting time, but the hand of Al-Anon was there to greet them because we had chosen to "Take [our] 'luck' as it comes." (Just for Today bookmark, M-12)      It was wonderful to hear the newcomers' enthusiasm as they shared how the program was making a difference in their lives. A mother had tears in her eyes when she said she had never heard her daughter speak with such hope.      I whispered to myself, "Thank you, God. I am grateful that we have a way to heal ourselves. This is what the program is all about."