Al-Anon Family GroupAl-Anon Family Group
The following articles from the November
2006 issue are reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon
Family
Group Hdqs., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA. For more articles, check The Forum
archive.
At My
First Meetings, I Sat by the Door
Bonnie
C.,
I was talking to my counselor about abandonment, lack of boundaries, and a marriage in disarray. She wanted me to visit a few Al-Anon meetings.
Al-Anon? Was she crazy, or what? I just didn’t see the connection.
After sitting in on a few meetings, I thought the people attending those meetings were on the nutty side. The things they found humorous boggled my mind. Yet, I experienced something else in those meetings. It was hope.
I can’t quite explain it, but when the members said, "Keep Coming Back," I found a gentle tugging on my heart to do just that—come back.
Of course, I made sure I sat near the door. That way, I wouldn’t get trapped into a conversation or, heaven forbid, get hugged. But, they didn’t seem to mind. The members gave me the time and space I needed.
Somehow, they knew there was a lot of pain locked up behind my brown eyes. Gently, they loved me, even when I couldn’t love myself. I watched and listened to them share their courage, strength, and hope. I began to slowly, ever so slowly, test the possibilities of moving beyond the safety of my own walls, facing my own hurts and needs, and starting to open up.
The cracks in my walls were imperceptible at first, but they gave my counselor a smidgen more to work with. She encouraged my attendance, so I continued attending meetings. As I did, I found a growing willingness within me. Yes, healing had begun.
Since then, I’ve found out just how wise my counselor was. She knew the program could give me a tangible set of tools, Steps, and principles to hang on to. My counselor knew the people in the program would share their experience, strength, and hope. She also knew I would see people practicing a way of life that was different than my mixed-up approach.
She was right!
Al-Anon was exactly what I needed. It’s my journey to recovery, thanks to my counselor and Al-Anon Family Groups.
I Was Afraid Someone I Knew Would See Me at a Meeting
Bonnie B.,
When someone first urged me to go to an Al-Anon meeting seven months ago, I was reluctant to say the least. I write a column for the local newspaper, so I was sure someone would recognize me from my picture in the column and "spread the word."
Finally, I agreed to give Al-Anon a try. I located a meeting two towns down the highway in hopes that no one there would know me. As I pulled into the parking lot of the church, I vowed not to reveal anything about myself or speak during the meeting. I just wanted to listen.
It was a cold winter morning. I was the first to arrive, except for a woman who was the group chairperson. We chatted about the weather and trivial things for a while. When I finally realized that no one else was coming, I was almost glad.
I told the chairperson I would leave so as not to waste her time. She responded by saying she would stay the whole hour whether anyone else came or not. Then she said, “Welcome to Al-Anon.”
I stayed. We talked. That day we didn’t follow any prescribed program, we just got to know each other a little. I felt better as I left and promised to return.
The following Wednesday morning, my attitude was better. On the 30-minute drive, I was looking forward to seeing the chairperson again. There were several cars in the parking lot, indicating that the chairperson and I wouldn’t be alone this time.
As I approached the door, a woman pushed it open for me. When I thanked her, our eyes met—and locked. We knew each other. Who would guess that the second Al-Anon member I met would be an acquaintance? Neither of us spoke about it as we joined the small group of women for my first real Al-Anon meeting.
The next week, I had to ask the woman, “Didn’t I have you in my class several years ago?” Telling me her maiden name, she smiled and said I had been her English teacher 20 years ago.
After the meeting, we had lunch and caught up. She rejoiced that I really remembered her. I rejoiced that she had enjoyed my class. Our friendship as adult women began to grow. Now we see each other regularly at another Al-Anon meeting on Saturday mornings. If one of us isn’t there, the other calls to check in and chat.
By the way, the second meeting is in my hometown. Last week, a woman at that meeting approached me and asked if I wrote a column for the local newspaper. When she said she had read every one of my columns, I thanked her sincerely.
I’m no longer afraid that someone will recognize me and talk about me because I now know that no one talks about who attends or what is said outside of meetings. At first I didn’t believe anonymity could be preserved. But that was before I really knew what Al-Anon is all about.
I still attend two meetings a week, one down the highway and the other close to home. The first is a small group where we are getting to know each other pretty well. The second is a larger group that is more formal in structure and focuses on the Twelve Steps. I love them both. Each serves a purpose and fills a need.
If anyone had told me seven months ago that I would know such love and acceptance from a group of strangers, I would have laughed. But now I know it’s true.