Al-Anon Family Group

The Forum magazine articles - May 2004

When my Al-Anon Sponsor explained that I could have my own Higher Power, my emotions overcame me.  I had known a Higher Power before Al-Anon, but that Power was never competely involved in my life.  Working the Third Step, "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him," was a major event for me.        I had always ridden on the shirt tails of my mother's and grandmother's beliefs, without ever feeling an individual connection with a Power greater than myself.  Now, here was someone giving me permission to search for my own!  I experienced such a feeling of freedom and release that I even surprised my Sponsor with my response.        From them on I realized I belonged in Al-Anon, where I could gain spiritual wellness.  Now when I work Step Three on a daily basis, I turn my will and my life over to the care of my Higher Power, not my mother's or my grandmother's.        Al-Anon has helped me to realize that my Higher Power's guidance for me may be different from His guidance for others.  I may go down a different path, involve myself in different experiences, or live an entirely different life, but I know Al-Anon is where I am supposed to be.  Al-Anon has given me the Twelve Steps to live a hopeful, healthy, free life, and I am so grateful.

Actually I started to come to Al-Anon over a year ago because someone recommended it.  I was in a great deal of pain.  I didn't realize that the day I walked in the door to my first meeting was the day my life would change.        When I looked around the room, I saw warm, friendly faces saying hello.  They told me I was in a safe place and that I would find love, peace, and eventually answers--so I cried.  At the end of the meeting I cried some more, but I received many hugs.  The Al-Anon members accepted me even before they knew me.        I cried for months during meetings and after meetings, but I always took something away with me--hope.  After a while I realized Al-Anon was the right place for me.  No one criticized, judged, or threatened me.  They just listened to me and loved me.  As I started to feel safe, I started to share what was going on in my life.        Wow, how they understood me.  Even after I shared the horrible situations I was in or had been in, they still accepted me.  I started using the Twelve Steps and Al-Anon's principles in my life at home.  I started to learn from others' experiences, which made improvements in the way I lived.        One day an Al-Anon member asked me to share my story.  Me?  Why me?  But I said yes.  I was scared, but I was ready.  Something happened that day.  The hurt little girl who had been hiding inside of me for so long broke free.  She began to heal.  I began to heal.        Now I share myself all the time with Al-Anon.  By doing so, I receive ten times more than what I give.  Al-Anon wiped my tears and picked me up when I tripped.  Al-Anon told me to watch out for that hole so I wouldn't fall in it again.  Al-Anon showed me love and made me laugh.  Al-Anon saved my life.

After years of active drinking, my husband found sobriety and I was thrilled.  Finally I was going to have the husband and perfect life I always wanted.      To my surprise, that wasn't what happened.  My husband still spent a lot of time away.  I was still the one taking care of the children, the bills, and everything else--poor me.  After he had been sober for a while, he began to change--but not into what I wanted.  He developed a mind of his own.  I could no longer control him and I resented him.  As he got better and better, I became sicker and sicker.  I found myself alone, facing a divorce and custody battle--but how could this happen?  I was the responsible one!        At my husband's earlier request, I attended some Al-Anon meetings but I didn't think I needed those people.  I sure didn't need a Higher Power.  I could control my own life and make my own destiny.  I did pick up some of the Al-Anon slogans, which I used enough in meetings to let everyone know I was doing great, but I would never really need them.       After 11 months on my own, my best thinking and planning brought me to the point where I sat at home thinking of suicide.  Suddenly it all started coming back to me.  I remembered things that were said in meetings, some of the slogans people used, and happy, caring faces.  I realized I couldn't fall any lower, so I reached my bottom.  It was now or never and I was willing to do anything to ease my pain.       I decided to return to meetings without knowing if they would accept me or turn me away when they found out I had been lying.  They didn't run me off.  Instead they greeted me with understanding and compassion.       This was a new experience for me.  I admitted I was powerless and my life was unmanageable.  I asked my Higher Power for help, found a Sponsor, and started working the Twelve Steps.       Almost a year later, my life has changed so much.  Since I took that First Step, my husband and I are back together.  My children are happy and I am happy.  I truly have a wonderful life.       Even though there are still problems in my life, I now have the help of my Higher Power.  I have my Al-Anon friends, meetings, literature, and a loving Sponsor.  I am not alone and I can live a wonderful life, "One Day at a Time."  I have become what I heard so often at those early meetings--happy and full of joy.  I will be forever grateful.