Al-Anon Family Group

The Forum magazine articles - March 2006

The following articles from the March 2006 issue are reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqs., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.  For more articles, check The Forum archive.  
 

 

I knew I was spiritually sick and needed help, but it took me years to step into the rooms of Al-Anon because fear and shame overwhelmed me.  After my first meeting, I felt 100% better and kept coming back because I wanted to continue getting better.  Eventually my relationships with my spouse and children improved.      My parents are alcoholics.  In Al-Anon, I’m slowly learning to accept them exactly as they are.  In working on Step Four with some Al-Anon members, I learned one of the most important lessons of my life—I have a part in everything.  Whether it’s how I feel, think, or act, I’m responsible for my feelings, thoughts, and actions.  What a wonderful gift!  I got my power back.  I no longer felt that people had control over me.      I can choose how I want to respond or whether I want to respond at all.  I can choose not to take things personally and I can choose not to have committee meetings in my head.  My parents continue to drink and I continue to feel pain because of it, but I still love them.  I try to pass on to my parents the gifts of Al-Anon by allowing them to be who they are.

 

Concerns about my wife’s drinking prompted me to seek help for our two young daughters and myself.  With the help of an Employee Assistance Program at work I received a referral to speak with a children’s social worker.  I remember how embarrassed I was taking my girls to seek such assistance.  It was very difficult for me to admit our family wasn’t perfect, but the sheer act of walking into the social worker’s office began the process of breaking my denial about the problem I instinctively knew our family had to face.      The social worker’s first words after I shared my story were, “You didn’t make your wife drink.  You aren’t that powerful!”  Under other circumstances, I may have found her remark insulting, but not that time.  I was so grateful to hear those words that I began to cry.      The social worker recommended I attend Al-Anon.  After pulling a local meeting list from her files, she said, “Why, there’s a meeting tonight, as a matter of fact.”  I remember thinking that was a marvelous coincidence.  Of course, later I learned there were meetings in my town every night of the week.  It was difficult waiting three hours for the meeting time to arrive.      I didn’t say much during my first meeting.  As the members were sharing, I convinced myself that after I left the social worker’s office, she called all of them, told them my story, and scripted the entire meeting for my benefit!  Of course, that hadn’t happened, but how else could I explain how total strangers were sharing things about themselves that sounded so much like me?      When I first heard a member read the words of the Fifth Tradition, I knew I was home.  “Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose:  to help families of alcoholics.  We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of AA ourselves, by encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics.”  That’s exactly what Al-Anon has done for me for over seven years.      Today I have a Sponsor, I work the Twelve Steps, I read Conference Approved Literature every day, I attend meetings regularly, I’m involved in service at the group and district levels, and it is my privilege to sponsor guys who are doing the same.  Our daughters attend Alateen and we have sobriety in our home.  And it all began with the words, “Why, there’s a meeting tonight.”

 

I tried hard not to go to that first meeting.  Why did I have to go meet these new people?  I was sure they wouldn’t understand.  No one ever had before and believe me, I told everyone who would listen to my problems.  Finally I forced myself to go.      The topic of my first meeting was “success.”  I knew absolutely nothing about success.  I hadn’t succeeded at anything.  Most of all, I was not successful in solving our problems at home.  I was the last person to share during the meeting.  I was very embarrassed because all I could do was cry and share that I would consider it a success if I could ever speak in a meeting without crying.      Two wonderful women took me aside after the meeting and gave me their phone numbers.  They said I could call them anytime.  One of the women called me before I had the chance to call her.  She invited me to a meeting the next day and she eventually became my first Sponsor.  We enjoyed five wonderful years together—sharing, going to meetings, and working the Steps.      After moving to a new state recently, I needed to find some meetings.  I had flashbacks of trying so hard not to attend my first meeting.  However, this time I had my Higher Power to lean on and the gentle help of the members from my old group.  I learned from my time in the program that I needed meetings and the people who attended them.      I found a new meeting and made some new friends.  Whenever a newcomer attends our group, I give her my phone number.  More importantly, I get her number and make that first call.