Al-Anon Family Group

The Forum magazine articles - March 2003

The following articles from the March 2003 issue are reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqs., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.  For more articles, check The Forum archive.

 

Without growing up in an alcoholic family, I had no knowledge of alcoholism until I moved away from home.  My parents were opposites.  Dad was overly authoritative and had a tendency to be heavy-handed.  Mother was passive and shied away from making decisions.  Neither was very affectionate, verbally or physically.      It's a wonder I had five younger siblings.  We grew up angry and resentful and carried these unfortunate qualities with us into adulthood.  I am the only one who found Al-Anon.  The program has brought me inner peace to replace the turmoil and struggle.  It has given me self-confidence instead of self-consciousness.  Today I experience patience instead of anxiety, and I accept my life the way it is.      Thanks to Al-Anon, I can speak to my parents with calmness, kindness, and understanding.  Sometimes it is difficult to know what to say, but I don't worry about how to say it.  I don't walk on eggshells around my dad and am less concerned about saying something that may or may not hurt my mother's feelings.  I don't get the tight knots inside that used to form whenever I wanted to express my thoughts to them.      My parents seem to be getting warmer.  It could be they are mellowing with age, or it might be they are open to something they haven't seen before.  They seem happier, as though they genuinely appreciate my visits.  Of course, it could be a combination of everything.      My sisters know about my program but have a difficult time seeing me outside "the room with the elephant."  They are surprised at some of my statements to our parents and seem amazed at the mild reactions I receive.  I wish I could share my knowledge of recovery with them.  One day I hope all of my sisters will find their way to Al-Anon.

 

When I first came to Al-Anon, I thought the slogans were a little silly and simplistic.  I was very smug and arrogant and didn't see how those little ditties could help me recover from the effects of alcoholism on my life.      My husband was still drinking heavily and could barely function.  We were both in very bad shape.  Within two weeks I found myself chanting repetitively, "Let Go and Let God," as I drove to a meeting.  Over and over I chanted because I was desperate and finally realized that maybe God could help me if I would just let Him.  Other slogans became very powerful tools in  my life just a short time later.      My sponsor was especially fond of "Keep It Simple," so I tried to use that one when I was trying to unravel the complicated mess I had made of my life.  "How Important Is It?" was also very helpful when I was struggling with issues with my newly sober husband, and I learned that nothing was more important than my serenity.      Now whenever I am upset, troubled, or sad, I know where I can go for a quick pick-me-up.  The slogans--one of the many tools Al-Anon has given me--are powerful, concise words of wisdom that I believe are truly inspirational.

Al-Anon has not taken alcoholism out of my life.  However, it has given me a life in spite of alcoholism, one that is far better than I ever dreamed possible.  I learned how to have hope, how to breathe, how to play.  I learned how to put me on my list of "things to take care of today."      Before Al-Anon, my life was always about other people--what will happen if they do that?  What will they do if I say this?  I better not say this or do that because I don't know how they'll react!      Al-Anon has helped me realize I am a valuable person.  I have a Higher Power who doesn't make mistakes.  I believe my Higher Power created me, and I'm not a mistake.  Before the program I felt everything about me was a mistake.      Today, in spite of the alcoholic's opinions or reactions, I can be me.  I have an inner peace and believe that no matter what happens in my life or in the disease of alcoholism, I can live through it.      As long as I "Keep Coming Back," work the Steps, and call my sponsor, I won't have to walk through life alone.  Today life is good and life is fun, thanks to Al-Anon!