Al-Anon Family Group

The Forum magazine articles - June 2005

The following articles from the June 2005 issue are reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqs., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.   For more articles, check The Forum archive.

 

On these long, summer days, I’ve looked back over the last 48 years on my life, filling myself with gratitude and joy for my recovery journey.  It has been so fulfilling.  I am thankful to God, Al-Anon, and Alcoholics Anonymous for the wonderful years I spent with the love of my life.  I wasn’t even looking for a destination, just enjoying the journey “One Day at a Time.”      Oh, what a journey it has been!  I want to pass on my recovery.  All things are possible with God’s help, so I put one foot in front of the other and move forward.  Even though I had a plan, God had a better one.  I am so grateful I listened and learned.  Sometimes it was very difficult, but through God and Al-Anon I learned the slogan, “This Too Shall Pass.”      Al-Anon members gave me wonderful tools to use.  From my first Al-Anon meeting 41 years ago, I learned to strap an imaginary tool belt around my waist each morning.  I carried my tools in my pockets—my Sponsor who knew me well, a phone list in case she was unavailable, Conference Approved Literature that I read and used along the way, a meeting list so I always had a place to go, and the slogans for a quick fix.  Above all, I carried the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.  The Steps helped me look at and change myself and the Traditions helped me in raising seven children.  The Forum was another helpful tool.      Before Al-Anon, I was ready to end a seven-year marriage.  Coming to Al-Anon when I was 25 gave me hope, and a good Sponsor gave me encouragement.  I shared 41 years of recovery with the love of my life before he passed away.  My willingness to share my recovery with others is important—my Twelfth Step in action.  Being involved in service has always kept me coming back.

I spent my 20s in one relationship after another.  With each new partner, the relationship was the same as it had been with the previous person.  Alcohol was always an important component.  Young and wild, we went to parties, bars, or drank at home.  Although my relationships seemed normal, we were only intimate strangers.  Most of my friends were living the same way, so I didn’t think there was a problem.      When I met my husband-to-be at a singles bar, I was in my early 30s.  We partied together, but it was different because sometimes he didn’t stop until he was extremely drunk or in a blackout.  Because he was a binge drinker, this happened every three months, which was just long enough for me to forget there had been a problem.      I thought alcoholics were homeless, jobless, and pushed shopping carts.  This man was young, handsome, educated, employed, and financially secure.  I was also in denial, because if I acknowledged the truth I might need to change my life and I wasn’t ready for that.      Shortly after we married, our friends and families found out the truth when my husband was arrested for drunk driving.  That night after fighting about his drinking, he ended up in jail while I attended my first Al-Anon meeting.  It was the beginning of a new life for me.      Al-Anon renewed my belief in a Higher Power who is kind, compassionate, and patient.  I have an amazing Sponsor who shares her experience, strength, and hope with me.  She has helped me work the Steps and find my own answers through working the program.      The members of my home group have loved and supported me through good times and bad.  I came to Al-Anon seeking help for my ex-husband, but found a new way to live honoring God, other people, and myself instead.      I’ve been single for several years and recently started feeling the desire to share my life with someone.  I know I can practice the program in all my affairs, especially in my relationships with men.  I continue working Step Three.  When the time is right, I know God will provide a relationship that honors the choices I am making and supports my relationships with myself and my Higher Power.

I put down the magnifying glass and picked up the mirror when I came into Al-Anon.  That meant no more finger-pointing, blaming others for my actions.  Through the Al-Anon program, I’ve learned to control my unacceptable behavior.  It was no longer acceptable for me to be condescending, belittling, intimidating, obnoxious, loud, or nasty to another person.      I looked within myself to figure out why I acted as though I was better than others and as though my opinions were the law.  In the program, I learned to focus on myself, to take time to discover what I wanted, and to accept myself for who I am—knowing I can change any part of me when I become willing.      Taking a Fourth Step inventory has allowed me to see my positive and negative traits.  I used to think my negative traits were the ones others pointed out to me.  Surprisingly when I looked within myself, sorting through all of the good and bad adjectives that described me, I discovered I wasn’t as bad as I originally thought.  It was time to quit beating up on myself.  I could become willing to change my attitudes and behaviors.      After releasing resentments that I had been storing from childhood, it became easier to socialize with people.  The more I let a Higher Power into my life, let go of control, set boundaries I could live with, and addressed situations as they arose, the more serenity I found.  It didn’t cost me anything but time.  I’m worth it.  I could not see it before I came into the program, but now I put myself first.  The better I feel about myself, the better I treat others.  Thanks to Al-Anon, I no longer misdirect my anger.