Al-Anon Family Group

The Forum magazine articles - June 2002

The following articles from the June 2002 issue are reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqs., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.  For more articles, check The Forum archive.

When I first came to Al-Anon, I believed there was a God and He even had a name.  It took a while longer for me to understand that God wanted to be present in my every moment.  Slowly, as my relationship with my Higher Power unfolded, I learned to continue to ask for guidance and love, one day at a time.      In Forum Favorites Volume I on page 120 there is a quotation that gives the definition of a gentleman.  He is "one who acts always as if he were in the presence of God."  I understood that to apply to ladies as well.      I sure wanted to be a lady, so I set out to practice being in the presence of God.  I started with the Serenity Prayer.  It reminds me that God grants me the courage, acceptance, and wisdom to get through the day.  When I say the Serenity Prayer, my mind quits twirling.  It puts me back into the moment, and then I can recognize God's love and presence more.      When the alcoholic would keep me up with "all night seminars," I would say the Serenity Prayer over and over as he was talking.  That way I would be able to detach with love, knowing my Higher Power was giving me His strength.  One day at a time I felt safer.  I grew strong enough to become unavailable for the all night lectures anymore.  I would remove myself more quickly each time.  Eventually I did not accept any invitations to attend these all night sessions.      I can also practice listening to my Higher Power at Al-Anon meetings, where I know He is present.  I always hear something to take home with me.  Each day is a new day, and I look forward to the many ways my Higher Power reveals His presence to me.  Today I am a child of God.

 

When I started coming to Al-Anon, it was very difficult for me to mind my own business and keep the focus on myself.  I was so accustomed to controlling the active alcoholic that I was not paying any attention to my health, looks, and least of all to my spiritual program.      As I began coming to meetings on a weekly basis, I heard how necessary it was for me to mind my own business.  I needed to let the alcoholic, who is my spouse, be responsible for himself and his actions.  I tried to practice this in the early days of the program by not calling his job for him when he felt sick, and by not dragging him to bed when he passed out in the living room.      It took quite a few meetings for this idea to sink into my head.  That was the way I began to work the program.  Since I was not minding my husband's business all the time, I actually found time to focus on myself.  At meetings I began hearing the suggestion to do something good for myself every day.  When I decided to do something for myself, it didn't need to be anything that cost any money.  It could be something as simple as sitting in the yard and enjoying nature, or I could take a bubble bath.  I could lock the bathroom door so the kids wouldn't disturb me.  That was how I began to focus on myself.  I remember feeling guilty about taking time to pamper myself with a bath.  Eventually I learned how good it was for me to do these things and how important they made me feel.      Since that time, I have done many other wonderful things for myself.  My regular attendance at Al-Anon introduced me to service work, which led me to meet many more people in the Al-Anon program.  I received additional experience, strength, and hope from people at conventions and conferences.  I gained enough self-confidence and trust to begin a spiritual journey that I am continuing with today.      For the first time in my life, I finally have a spiritual connection with my Higher Power, whom I call God.  I try to connect with God in the morning, throughout the day, and in the evening before going to bed.  I ask God for good, orderly direction and to help me on a daily basis.  I focus on what God has in store for me and try to carry that out.  I no longer have time to control my husband.  I am grateful for the Al-Anon program and for all the people who keep coming back to share.