Al-Anon Family Group

The Forum magazine articles - July 2004

The following articles from the July 2004 issue are reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqs., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.   For more articles, check The Forum archive.
 

 

The grief I felt at the thought of losing my third marriage to the family disease of alcoholism was overwhelming.  Without feeling that grief, I would have never reached out for help.  A friend of mine, who was an Al-Anon member, practiced the Twelfth Step with me.      What a welcome relief!  There was hope and I could finally put a name to what had been so wrong in my life for 35 years.  I felt as though my friend had thrown me a life preserver.      The last 20 years in Al-Anon have been full of awareness--sometimes painful and sometimes not.  The changes I have gone through because of the Al-Anon program give me joy.  The Twelve Steps, Traditions, and Concepts of Service have been a huge part of my recovery.      The gift of service has helped me restore the self-esteem I lost due to living with alcoholism.  Through service work I have learned how to have healthy relationships with people.  I have learned how to communicate, to agree to disagree, and most of all, how to use these tools in my home.       The loss of my third marriage didn't happen.  Shortly after I found Al-Anon, my husband found sobriety and Alcoholics Anonymous.  Our lives changed drastically--we're not the same two people.  Thank you, God!

 

Mere words can never express the many thanks I have for my dear friend and wonderful Sponsor.  She was there to pick me up, to encourage me, and to give me hope when I finally accepted that, yes, I did need Al-Anon.      Many days and nights she was there to talk and cry with me, to laugh and share with me.  She listened to me like no one else had ever done.  She had already been down the same road I was traveling, so she had already experienced similar pain, tears, anger, disbelief, frustration, and despair.  And she had survived it all!       My Sponsor continues to work her program.  While living the Twelve Steps, she is showing me how to live, "One Day at a Time."  She has given me so many hours of guidance, hope, and shared experiences.  She has given me new hope, a firmer foundation, and the belief that things in my life can get much better.      Thanks to her, I know I can change no one else and I am responsible only for myself, but I must determine what I will and will not accept.  I am learning day by day to "Let Go and Let God" and always to consider "How Important Is It?       I am grateful to my Sponsor for giving up so much of her time and for always being available whenever I felt low and discouraged.  I appreciate all of the encouragement she gave me as my mentor, supporter, and friend.  She is constantly reminding me to "Keep Coming Back."       Most of all, my Sponsor has helped me realize that I deserve to be a healthy person.  She convinced me that my life is worth something and I can survive the effects of this family illness by using the Al-Anon Steps and program.       One day, I hope I can share some of the many lessons that my Sponsor has shown me.  Maybe I can encourage new people who will walk through the doors of Al-Anon.

 

When I had been coming to Al-Anon for several years, I felt my program could see me through almost any situation.  I'd done it all--set up coffee, chaired meetings, spoke when I could, served at the area level, and even had the opportunithy to participate in a workshop at one of Al-Anon's International Conventions.      My husband was sober and active in his Alcoholics Anonymous group.  My son had a good start as a younger member of Alateen for a few years, though he chose not to continue after that.  He had grown up surrounded by recovery, attending meetings during Al-Anon and AA weekends.  On long trips he was held captive in the car while we listened to speaker tapes.  We were a recovery family, or so I thought.       When my son stopped attending Alateen, I knew he began experimenting with alcohol and other substances.  I spoke about these concerns at my home meetings, but mostly I expressed that I didn't know what was wrong with me.  Where were the hysteria and panic attacks I had experienced when my husband was still drinking?  Was I in denial about my son?  Was I enabling him because I didn't do something about his actions?  Was I afraid if I did anything I'd never see my son again?      Someone in the program told me that I was okay, that my program was doing exactly what it was supposed to do--that it was working.  I lived through a lot of pain during my husband's drinking.  I learned in Al-Anon that I didn't cause his alcoholism and I couldn't cure it, but the tools of the program would help me to cope.  I also discovered that I didn't have to experience all of the pain and suffering if I just turned my life and my will over to my Higher Power and used the tools that the program provided.  Those tools remained a daily part of my life long after my husband stopped drinking.      When my son turned 20, he checked himself into a rehabilitation program over his winter break from college.  It has been a couple of months now since his release, and I have to admit there are times when I want to slip back into my old anxiety-filled state.  I still want to try to control him and fix things so he doesn't relapse.  Fortunately I have my faith in God and I know that my son has his own Higher Power to guide him.  What a relief that is!  It gives me peace and serenity to know that my tools are working.