Al-Anon Family Group

The Forum magazine articles - July 2003

The following articles from the July 2003 issue are reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqs., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.  For more articles, check The Forum archive.

A few years ago at work, I said my first sincere prayer.  Until then, prayer had been a spewing of words by rote that meant nothing to me.  In fact, the more I mumbled these prayers in my childhood, the more like gibberish they became.      Even in my beginning months of Al-Anon, I obligingly recited the Serenity Prayer and passed when the group closed with the Lord's Prayer.  Spirituality was not my goal.  I was there to collect helpful hints, and my life improved as I used the tidbits that I absorbed.      I still had extended periods when all I could see was despair.  I sometimes stayed in this mood for days, which made for very long, annoying workdays.  When I was in this mindset, I talked very little and ate my lunch alone.  I work in construction and eating by myself means sitting in my truck.      One day I went to my truck to eat and mope.  I was feeling pain that I could hardly stand to bear.  I leaned on my steering wheel and said, "God, if You exist . ."  That was my whole prayer!      Soon, a flood of calm washed over me.  I had a mental picture of a being with a wry smile, as if to say, "So, you finally admit that I'm around!"  I went back to work with the lightest heart I'd had since I could remember.      I remain skeptical of many rituals.  The Serenity Prayer is the prayer I have accepted for daily use.  I still skip the Lord's Prayer at the end of my meetings, but I try to say, "Thank you," and look up whenever a positive event happens in my life.  Now it makes sense to me that a Power--connecting all life--has a plan for us!

 

My recovery was very dear to me.  My life, my friends, and my family revolved around Al-Anon.  I couldn't understand life without this program.  I never imagined leaving, but sometimes life happens too fast.      I fell into a deep depression due to my father-in-law's death, my mother's ill health, and my physical and emotional challenges.  I struggled to get out of bed and to leave my home.  It was a struggle to breath.  I wanted to quit everything.      Slogans rushed into my mind.  Sweet caring voices from meetings would come from the air.  You see, I had recovery.  I had the Al-Anon seed planted for many 24 hours and I am thankful.  My friends would call to take me to meetings.  My husband and children would suggest I get out of the house.  I would end up in my home group's parking lot.  I was thankful.      It took a long time.  Sometimes I existed one minute at a time, but my recovery and my sanity are progressing nicely.  The love and gratitude I have for Al-Anon is so great that I cannot put it down on paper.  I am able to show it by sharing in meetings again, reaching out to newcomers, and by loving and being a good friend.  I wanted to quit, but Al-Anon wouldn't let me.

 

Before Al-Anon I could not have told you about the beautiful sunset last night.  I never could have told you the sky was a beautiful blue this morning.  I would have told you I only have sons and no daughters--even my grandchild is male.  Today I can tell you how lucky I am to be the mother of three beautiful sons and to have a three-year-old grandson.      Before Al-Anon I would have told you that I did not have time for mutual support groups.  I was too busy being a mom and keeping my family together.  Today I think of how empty my life would be without Al-Anon.      Before Al-Anon I would have told you how unlucky I was to be an only child.  Today I will tell you that I was a very pampered and adored child.  Before Al-Anon I would have said that alcoholism or addiction did not exist in my family.  I would have said this becasue I believed it and wanted it to be true.  I had not thought about such things as denial or acceptance.      I longed for a confidante who would understand and not just shake her head and say, "It beats me how you carry on at all!"  I wondered what I had done to cause the drinking and to deserve this fate.  I often wondered if I should walk out--and but for the children, I would have done so.      Before Al-Anon I would have told you my husband was a musician who only had a part-time job.  Today I will tell you that my husband was the guitar player and lead vocalist for a popular local band for over ten years.  He has worked two jobs for most of our married life.      Before Al-Anon I would have told you that I was in the midst of an empty-nest and mid-life crisis.  Today I will tell you how much I enjoy my life without children at home.  I can say how much I enjoy evenings at home either alone with a book or in front of the TV with my husband.