Al-Anon Family Group

The Forum magazine articles - February 2005

The following articles from the February 2005 issue are reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqs., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.    For more articles, check The Forum archive.

 

Being hopeful as a child was a surefire way to experience disappointment.  I wished that things would change, but I never hoped they would.  There just didn't seem to be any point.  Fortunately, God led me to the wonderful fellowship of Al-Anon where I heard members speak of their hope.  The people had hope in their hearts that I could see in their eyes.      As I worked the program, I discovered my belief in the following words on page 44 in Hope for Today:  "Hope comes in the words of the Second Step.  My Higher Power can restore to me what I once believed to be irrevocably lost--my sanity and serenity.  I am not promised that my loved ones will find sobriety.  What I am offered, however, is the gift waiting for me in the form of the Al-Anon program, which fills the void carved into my mind and heart by the disease of alcoholism."      God is restoring my sanity through Al-Anon, and it's not because the alcoholic in my life found sobriety, because he hasn't.  It has nothing at all to do with the alcoholic, but it has everything to do with me--my attitudes, my awareness, and my growing ability to accept life on life's terms.  I've learned to let go of false hopes and unrealistic expectations because they set me up for disappointment.      The hope that Al-Anon has given me is the hope offered in our "Suggested Welcome," that I truly can "find contentment, and even happiness, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not."  The gift of the Al-Anon program has filled my life with gratitude, joy, serenity, and even happiness.  I have found a fellowship filled with the most understanding and caring sould I could ever imagine!  I have learned how to take care of myself and to honor my needs and feelings.  My connection to God has deepened in ways I never thought possible.      Yes, today I have hope.  I have wonderful experiences in Al-Anon, and I have no doubt that my Higher Power has more in store for me as I continue to grow and heal in Al-Anon.  This program fills my mind and heart with great gifts, and  have every hope that the best is yet to come!

 

My life was a perfect example of unmanageability before I started attending Al-Anon.  I was a wreck.  Running full speed in my squirrel cage, I felt hurt, angry, confused, and frustrated.  Now that I have been attending meetings for a while, I practice acceptance and experience serenity.  I don't always achieve both, but I know I want to experience both more often.      Serenity--how did I obtain it?  It was simple, I used the Serenity Prayer as my tool.  Whenever I felt crazy, I said this short prayer, line by line, over and over.  "God grant me the serenity.  God grant me the serenity."  I repeated the phrase many times.  It helped me to clear my mind and to focus my thoughts.       With an uncluttered mind, I could move on "to accept the things I cannot change."  With a clear head, I asked myself, "What can't I change?"  My Higher Power often gave me an answer.  Then I could move on to "Courage to change the things I can."  What could I change?  How could I make the change?  Keeping my serenity was my goal, so I had reason to work on changing what I could in order to maintain serenity.  "And wisdom to know the difference."  For me, wisdom was the growth I gained from using the Serenity Prayer as a program tool.      How do I practice acceptance?  The Serenity Prayer helped me discover what I need to accept and the slogan, "Let Go and Let God," helped me to accomplish it.  My situation improved.  Uncomfortable feelings and frustrations became tolerable.  My situation may not be ideal, but I am living through it with the help of my Higher Power.       Now I am working on the slogan, "Live and Let Live."  I want to allow others the dignity to make their choices and live their own lives.  I know I can accomplish this by remembering to "Keep Coming Back"!

 

It has taken me a long time to break old habits and change my reactions.  After three years in Al-Anon I'm finally applying what I have learned more consistently.  For example, I had difficulty refusing my husband's invitation to a verbal fight.  Sometimes I succeeded in refusing the first invitation and maybe the second, but with continual prodding, I eventually joined in.      During and after the fights, I would hate myself for saying unkind things and the mean way I said them.  I did more damage to myself than I did to the alcoholic I was trying to hurt.      With practice,  started walking away from a possible fight by leaving the apartment or by picking up the phone to call an Al-Anon friend.  I began by leaving with angry words or bitter silence.  Then when I could detach, I discovered that my husband's words didn't sting me as he had intended.      Now when my husband tries to fight with me, I kindly tell him that I won't continue the conversation.  Then I leave the house to call my Sponsor or go to a meeting, if one is available.  Just the other night I did that and when I returned my husband was home.  He had written an apology on the message board that we have on the refrigerator.  In his note he said he was sorry for his outburst.  We hugged and went to bed with peace and love rather than hate and anger.