Al-Anon Family Group

The Forum magazine articles - February 2002

The following articles from the Febrary 2002 issue are reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqs., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.  For more articles, check The Forum archive.

 

Many years ago I came to Al-Anon to support my sister-in-law.  She was having continual family problems because of her spouse's drinking and I believed she needed help.  I didn't know how to provide that help, but I remembered a sign I saw in our church lobby.  When I called a woman from church, she told me about Al-Anon.      I readily offered to go with my sister-in-law to her first Al-Anon meeting.  A few things we heard stirred something deep within me.  "We who live, or have lived, with the problem of alcoholism, understand as perhaps few others can," the speaker said, and she referred to feeling "lonely and frustrated."  She also said, "Our thinking becomes distorted" and "we become irritable and unreasonable without knowing it."  Finally, "the priceless gift of serenity" that she mentioned was something I knew I wanted.      After that first meeting with my sister-in-law, I kept coming back.  I found the life I wanted for myself through studying the Twelve Steps, Traditions, and Concepts of Service.  In meetings and by reading Al-Anon literature, I came to enjoy the loving interchange of help among members.  Most days it's a lot of work, but it's worth it.  I am fully committed to living my life on a daily basis, seeking knowledge of the Higher Power's will for me and the power to carry it out.  I want it bad enough to start my day with that thought and to put it into action as best I can.      My life has gone from unmanageable to serene.  I still have trials and many tribulations, but I also have a program--which is a way of dealing with whatever comes my way.  My recovery in Al-Anon is a journey, and for the most part I'm content with the way I live my life each day.  When I'm not satisfied with the way things are going, I know how to get back on track; it's just a matter of doing it.  I use the tools of my Al-Anon program each day, and I have made a commitment to myself never to go back to the kind of life that I had before.  I just want to learn more each day and to keep heading in the direction that feels right for me.

 

Almost six years ago I walked into Al-Anon feeling desperate and scared of my own behavior.  I had been involved with a problem drinker for a year.  Although he was not the worst drinker I had been involved with, I was the worst that I had ever been.      At work I was constantly leaving to put letters on his car.  At home I searched through his closets and drawers.  I pleaded with him and begged him to come to bed, but I knew alcohol was more important to him than I was, so I felt like a failure.  In the past I had been able to leave other relationships and it always made me feel superior, but this one devastated me.      I grew up in a home where my father and brother abused alcohol and other substances.  Since then, I thought I had overcome my feelings of being "less than."  But when I drew close to a man the patterns of the disease of alcoholism came back and seemed to get progressively worse.  I realized that the common denominator in all those bad relationships was me.      I came to Al-Anon to find out what was inside of me that kept seeking negative attention.  Through the Twelve Steps, sponsorship, service, prayer, and lots of meetings, I found out what was not going to fill the hole in my heart.  It was not going to be filled by any person, place, or thing.  Only the God of my own understanding could heal what hurt me.  The members of my home group, my writing, and even my dad helped me get in touch with God.       I've been able to heal in every area of my life, and I don't owe it all to just one man.  I'm grateful that my life is full of people I love and who love me!  If I had made a list of what I wanted when I was new in recovery, I would have short-changed myself.  Today I get to have a special relationship with my sober alcoholic husband, but he is not the whole answer for my life.  I thanked Al-Anon for what I have because six years ago I never knew all of this could be possible.