Al-Anon Family Group

The Forum magazine articles - December 2005

The following articles from the December 2005 issue are reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqs., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.
 

 

When I started attending Al-Anon 12 years ago, I had no idea recovery was for me.  I went to that first meeting because my therapist said she could no longer help me.  She suggested I go to Al-Anon.      I thought Al-Anon would give me the magical solution I needed to get the man I loved to stop drinking.  If he stopped, I was sure we could have a long, happy life together.  Until I attended Al-Anon, I didn’t realize that my own behavior affected my family, friends, and job.      The Al-Anon members welcomed me into the rooms and guided me through the pain and fear that had taken control of my life.  I found a new way to live.  Although the relationship between me and the man I desperately loved ended, my life is a happy one.  I can acknowledge that I will always love him, while at the same time I know I have the right to more out of life.      I came to Al-Anon to save one relationship and instead all of my relationships have improved—old and new.  I have a good relationship with my sister and brother-in-law, even though my brother-in-law’s drinking greatly affects their family.  Because I’ve learned so much in Al-Anon, I still participate in my niece and nephew’s lives while staying out of their family business.      The relationship I have with my mother and father is better than it ever was before Al-Anon.  I actually interact with my parents as the 40-year-old I am, rather than the 13-year-old I was years ago.  By using the great tools of Al-Anon, I love and accept my parents as they are, which helps me avoid becoming resentful.      My friendships have improved, too.  People actually want to be friends with me!  I have a whole new life thanks to Al-Anon—better late than never!

 

After painful deliberation, I finally decided to leave the alcoholic and my home.  If nothing else, my life would be peaceful.  Filing for divorce was a bigger decision, but I thought it would be for the best.      My lawyer was very understanding.  I have no idea how she got any information from me because I was such a mess.  Since I was no longer 18 with many good years ahead of me, I often obsessed about money and the future.  What if I got sick?  What if I had to go on public assistance?  My lawyer assured me that I had enough assets, but suggested I decide where I wanted to go.      Many times during those bleak days, I cried in my lawyer’s office.  One day I even wondered if I could afford to feed my cat, or whether I would have to give it away!  As I burst into tears, my lawyer calmly said I needed to get the squirrels out of my head before I could move forward.  She told me there was help available in Al-Anon and gave me the location and time of a meeting.      In my confusion, I went to the wrong meeting because I didn’t know the difference between Al-Anon and Alcoholics Anonymous.  The caring AA members showed me where the Al-Anon group met, which was in a different room at the same location.  What a lifeline!  I’ve been attending meetings ever since.      My husband and I got back together and I didn’t divorce him.  Last year I had an opportunity to express my gratitude to my lawyer for her part in my recovery.  I have no idea what my future holds, but the members give me hope.  They also give me support, which is better than gold.  Al-Anon is such a great gift, especially when the effects of alcoholism are beating me down.  Al-Anon saved my sanity and made my life livable again.

 

Growing up with an alcoholic father, I learned early in life to take care of others before taking care of myself.  After college I moved out on my own for the first time and started noticing that I had developed several deep-seated resentments due to my tendency to put other’s needs first.  I didn’t understand that at first because I just thought I was being helpful and caring.      A few years ago, I found myself hating my job and angry with everyone in my life—including myself.  When I walked into an Al-Anon meeting I had previously attended, I knew I would live the rest of my life lonely and miserable if I didn’t change something soon.  That meeting was two years ago and I’m still changing.      Character defects that were once survival skills are showing up in my life again.  I’m becoming aware of how quickly my resentments can hurt me physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Now I’m going to more than one meeting a week.  I also have a Sponsor and I’m currently working with her on Steps Six and Seven.  It’s been difficult to take an honest look at myself and my behaviors.  However, I keep coming back to meetings and sharing my experience with others.      I feel lucky to have this program in my life.  Now I can say I “get” to go to meetings, rather than saying I “have” to go to meetings.  I used to rely on others to boost my self-esteem and now my Higher Power gives me that.  Thank you, Al-Anon and Alateen, for always being there for me.

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