Al-Anon Family Group

The Forum magazine articles - December 2003

The following articles from the December 2003 issue are reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqs., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.   For more articles, check The Forum archive.
 
 

 

Sometimes I repeat the same thoughts in my mind until I believe them.  The idea that I don't like change is one of those ideas.  It was in thinking about this year's Conference theme, "Change!  Creat New Possibilities," that I came to the understanding that I don't hate all change, only the kind where I can't control the outcome.       Before Al-Anon, I did a lot of changing.  One summer I spent several weekends trying to change my hair color.  Each attempt was a disaster but I kept trying, hoping if I had black hair or true white-blond hair, I would be more worthy of love.  When I left home, to attract people I changed who I was and what I thought.  Each time I lost a piece of me, only to be more imbedded in the disease.       I changed my address so many times that my family kept it in pencil in their address books.  Each time the alcoholics did something beyond my ability to accept, I left.  I changed the outside of where and who I was but I kept dragging the old me into the next situation.  I later learned that doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results, is insanity.  So I was insane when I came to the program, because I thought this time each new person would be different and would love me the way that I deserved.  The reality was I didn't love me and because I changed to make the other person happy, there was no real me to love.  I was sick of changing me and then I came to Al-Anon.       After several years of working the program, and probably not the Steps, I complained that I was the only one who was changing and why couldn't I stop and rest for a while.  My Sponsor smiled and replied that I could stop, I could remain sick.  Each time I thought I was in a corner and nothing could get better, she asked me what were my choices.  I realize now that I didn't want to consider other possibilities because I was too busy being a victim.  I didn't want to consider new ideas because I would have to change again.      The Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions, and Twelve Concepts of Service along with the Warranties are about to change.  Changes in who I am, changes in my attitude toward my group, changes in my understanding about working with and supporting others, and protection against the excesses I would easily turn to when I am afraid of change.  As I submit my will and my life to the care of my Higher Power, I receive the tools to accept and create new possibilities.  I dont have to give up my core values but I may have to consider whether my current understanding of each of them is serving me well.  I know now that until I was willing to accept and create new possibilities in my life, I could not recover or grow.  When I open my mind and heart to new opportunities around me, I become ready for new experiences.  I don't fear change as much today and sometimes I am willing to let go of the outcomes.  And as I grow and change, Al-Anon creates new possibilities.

 

When I was 19 years old, I started attending Alateen meetings.  At the time I thought the only person whose alcoholism affected me was my grandfather's.  After going to a few meetings, I realized I had an active drinker throughout my whole life--my father.      I wanted so badly to fix my family.  I went to visit them to let them know my dad needed to stop drinking and start attending Alcoholics Anonymous.  I wanted my mom and sister to start attending Al-Anon/Alateen.  My family did not receive these ideas very well and I left the house feeling defeated and alone.  A couple of months later I was old enough to transition into Al-Anon, but I stopped attending meetings altogether.      The next few years of my life were crazy.  I lived my life not caring whether I lived or died.  I really thought I was the only one with a problem because everyone else in my family seemed fine.       I moved back home when I was 23.  Soon my dad hit bottom and got sober and my mom started attending Al-Anon.  I felt angry, confused, and lonely again.  It took me two more years of running away from the disease of alcoholism to hit bottom.  I started back to Al-Anon over six years ago and am so grateful that Alateen had planted the seed for me.       The transition from Alateen to Al-Anon can be scary and awkward.  Now that I "Keep Coming Back," the gifts I've received are beyond anything I could imagine.

 

My husband and I tried nearly everything we could to help our son who had a drinking problem.  Finally we met a nurse, an Al-Anon member, when our son was in an alcohol rehabilitation program.  She suggested we try the meetings.  My husband and I went to meetings until his health became bad and he could no longer attend.      I'm thankful I continued to go to meetings because recently my husband of 54 years passed away.  With God, Al-Anon, and my family, I have been able to get through this sad time.  I was very fortunate to have a wonderful husband.  He was a minister, but in Al-Anon we learned about the terrible disease of alcoholism and letting go!       Listening to the Suggested Welcome, Steps, and Traditions helped me the most to calm down.  The Serenity Prayer has also been a real blessing.  I love it when we hold hands for the closing prayer at the end of the meeting.  I really feel connected to my group!       I was very quiet when I first came to Al-Anon.  I didn't think I could do any of the service work, but with the help of my friends I did.  I have held every office in our group.       Even though the alcoholic occasionally experiences periods of sobriety, right now is not one of them.  I can still have serenity and peace of mind, thanks to Al-Anon.  I love my son very much.       Recently my son's daughter graduated from high school and the one thing she wanted to do after the ceremony was to go to her granddad's gravesite to talk to him.  We have always had a wonderful closeness in our family and I thank God and Al-Anon for this gift!