Al-Anon Family Group

The Forum magazine articles - August 2006

The following articles from the August 2006 issue are reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqs., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.  For more articles, check The Forum archive.  
 

 

As a man walking into my first meeting, I was filled with fear, anger, and frustration.  I didn’t like myself and took life very seriously.      What I found in that room was a group of women and two men who were laughing and enjoying life.  The program for the night was a speaker’s meeting.  I identified with the lady who shared her story and knew I was in the right place.  In the meeting, I saw my wife’s former boss, my sixth grade teacher, a lady from the bank, and another woman who worked in a clothing store.  The speaker’s husband used to work for my father.  Wow, I knew these people!  I like them and wanted whatever it was that they had.      During the meeting, I received love, acceptance, and the idea that I could get better.  The members of the group told me to come to Al-Anon until I wanted to and they said it was a lifelong program.  I never questioned them.  I just did what they told me to do.  Soon I was laughing and beginning to like myself.  My fear and anger went away.      Now after 21 years in Al-Anon, only one of those wonderful people still attends our group.  Most of the members passed away or are no longer able to attend meetings.  Some just quit coming.      The longtime members who were around when I started this journey saved my life, which gave me a chance to enjoy each and every day.  Now I’m telling newcomers to “Keep Coming Back.”  I tell them Al-Anon is a lifelong program and that it works.

 

Growing up in a multi-alcoholic family was overwhelming.  My father became sober when I was 12, but by the time I was 14 my alcoholic mother drank herself to death.  My father is the one who planted the seed for my future when he guided me to Alateen.      Some 25 years later, my life hit a personal bottom and I found my way to Al-Anon Adult Children meetings.  I knew I was safe when I came into these rooms, because everyone in the room was like me.  I felt unconditional love.      My 23-year-old son is bright, strong, and loving.  After having been in Al-Anon Adult Children meetings for several years, I invited him to come to my meeting.  I wasn’t pushy.  He didn’t join me.      On a day when my son’s life wasn’t going so well, I invited him again and he said yes.  Members discussed the up-and-down, give-and-take aspects of life.  The meeting offered my son just the right message—living “One Day at a Time.”  He took everything in quietly.      When we left the meeting, I asked my son what he thought.  He said, “Mom, that room is filled with a family who loves you unconditionally and people who will always be there for you.  It’s a safe place.”      Tears came to my eyes because I know my group planted a seed for my son.  I feel safer for both of us.  Thank you, Dad.

 

<>I was lonely, scared, and ravaged by shame and guilt when I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting in prison.  I’m the first person in my family incarcerated due to the family disease of alcoholism, which has been in my family for generations.  I blamed myself for my father’s increasing binges and for my family’s unhealthy behaviors.  I was full of resentment.       There were 30 women in my first meeting, but I found myself instantly drawn to the two who were bringing the meeting to those of us who could not get to outside meetings.  I felt love emanating from those two members.      The women in the group were so open and honest while sharing that it wasn’t long before I felt I was right where I was supposed to be.  My loneliness began slipping away when members who grew up in situations similar to mine shared the same feelings I had.  I listened, absorbing their experience, strength, and hope.  Soon I began reading Al-Anon literature and working the Twelve Steps.      As my faith in my Higher Power grew stronger, I learned to “Let Go and Let God.”  I found hope and believed I could work through my shame and guilt to find the serenity that has always eluded me.  For years I carried my family’s shame before realizing I no longer needed to shoulder all the blame.  I experienced an awakening when I heard the phrase, “I didn’t cause the alcoholism, I can’t control it, and I can’t cure it.”  What a relief!      I learned how to detach wit love in Al-Anon.  I love the alcoholic, although it is from a distance, and I will always encourage his recovery.  I realize he was doing the best he could with what he knew.  Through taking a moral inventory of myself and sharing it with my Higher Power and another person, I was able to overcome my past resentments.  I’m no longer stuck.  Now I can move forward.      I’ve been attending Al-Anon meetings for more than a year.  I’m so grateful for this institution and the volunteers who are bringing Al-Anon to us.  Their dedication is an inspiration.  I’ve finally found the peace and serenity I’ve been longing for all my life.      Immediately I knew I was in the right place and the Al-Anon members had something I wanted.  They remained so serene while speaking honestly about their fears, wants, and needs.  I continued attending that meeting and went to other meetings as well.      The love and compassion I receive in the rooms on Al-Anon still empower me seven years later.  I’m grateful for the recovery experience.  I didn’t pursue law enforcement, but I became a counselor!      I can’t imagine my life without Al-Anon—where I learned communication skills and how to give and receive what my Higher Power has given me.