Al-Anon Family Group

The Forum magazine articles - August 2004

The following articles from the August 2004 issue are reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqs., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.   For more articles, check The Forum archive.
 

 

When I returned home from my second Al-Anon meeting, I found every kitchen cupboard door wide open.  My husband was drinking and announced that he couldn't find the blankety blank case of cola and asked me where it was.  Well, I was furious because I could clearly see the cola from where I was standing?      I was so mad that I walked over to the cupboards and, with a vengeance, I slammed shut each and every door.  Wham!  Wham!  Wham!  I slammed all 24 doors.  Oh, it felt so good to be that dramatic.  I'm surprised I didn't break anything.      Then I grabbed the case of soda and said, "Here's the blankety blank cola.  Come and get it."  Then I flung it up in the air.  The case landed on the floor with a loud crash and broke open.  Suddenly I noticed my teenage daughter standing in the doorway witnessing this bit of insanity.  All I could hear was the sound of cans rolling across the kitchen floor.      At this point, who looked more insane--me, or the alcoholic who was sitting in a chair doing nothing?  I saw the fear in my daughter's eyes and the mess on the floor.  I knew my life was out of control and I was indeed acting insane.       I made a commitment right then and there to do whatever it took to turn my life around.  I hoped Al-Anon would help me and it did.  At that moment, I came to.  As Step Two says, "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."      When I came to Al-Anon, there was a ton of insanity in my life.  My own behavior was a perfect example.  My life turned around after regularly attending meetings.  Thanks to a Power greater than myself, now I live a life full of serenity and peace, both in my home and in my heart.  I think I'll keep coming back and keep letting God restore me to sanity, over and over again.  It feels good and there are fewer messes to clean up.

 

My son's school grades were slipping badly.  He was having difficulty meeting his responsibilities and our relationship was suffering.  It seemed like all of our communications were one-sided.  I was either scolding him because of something he had already done or I was lecturing him about what I was afraid he would do next.  The police were either bringing him home or showing up at our door looking for him.  The message to me was, "Don't you think it's time you got him some help?"      So I did.  Or rather, I tried.  I talked with insurance companies to find counselors for him.  I brought him to counseling sessions.  The counselor would talk with him and then call my husband and me into the office to talk.  The next time we scheduled an appointment, my son would not show up.       The  meeting would be for the three of us, so my husband and I would keep the apointment, or in some instances I would go alone.  After this happened a few times, the counselor said it would be a good idea if my husband and I attended couples' counseling.  All the stress was causing our relationship to deteriorate at an alarming rate.      I think it was during our very first appointment with a couples' counselor when I heard the suggestion to go to Al-Anon.  I felt absolutely desperate at this point.  I thought I had nothing to lose, so I took the suggestion.       That was quite a few 24 hours ago now, and my life has changed immeasurably!  I had no idea what a gift that counselor was giving me.  The Al-Anon program, with its slogans, the Serenity Prayer, the Twelve Steps, and our wonderful fellowship, has given me a life second to none.  So much has happened as a direct result of Al-Anon.       I could finally stop focusing so much on the lives of those around me and start paying attention to my own life.  I have gone back to school.  I always dreamed of having a college education.  Today that dream is becoming a reality for me "One Day at a Time," one class at a time.       I have a tremendous relationship with my husband of 24 years.  Thanks to the Al-Anon program, we have rekindled the spark and made it a flame.  Our son is sober today.  I no longer scold or lecture him.  Today I allow him the dignity to make his own choices and to live with the consequences--both good and bad.  Our discussions today are two-sided.  I have learned the art of listening!      Thanks to Al-Anon and the professional who recommended it, we are a family again!

 

The most important thing I have received from Al-Anon is my relationship with my Higher Power.  Before the program, I had no concept of a Higher Power as a source of love, guidance, and direction.  God was a scorekeeper who kept track of everything I did wrong and disapproved of me.  My concept of God was a punishing Higher Power who condemned me.      I came to Al-Anon because my father is an alcoholic.  Many memories of his alcoholism and my fear, unhappiness, and worry came back to me.  What I learned in the program, however, was to accept the past and to look at what I could change about myself.  I was to work the Twelve Steps and find a relationship with the God of my understanding.  So this meant I needed to change my attitude toward my father, whom I resented for being an alcoholic.  But even though I prayed, I could not get free of the resentment.  What was I to do?       By working the Twelve Steps, my relationship with my Higher Power grew.  When I wrote down my resentments toward my father, I found that I was angry at him because I didn't have a father who went to my soccer games or played with me on a regular basis.  But when I read these thoughts to my Sponsor, he pointed out that I did have the father I needed, even though I did not get everything I wanted.  Almost instantly, my resentment fell away.  My father did provide me with food, shelter, a good education--many of the things that other children in alcoholic homes had to do without.      When my resentment was removed, I felt nearer to God.  I could feel grateful for what I received.  I could accept that my father had the disease of alcoholism and that he did the best he could with a devastating illness.  Today I am happy to have a God who shows me how to see the good things in my life whenever I try to get close to him.