Al-Anon Family Group
Al-Anon Family Group
There are times when I can think of reasons to skip my regular Al-Anon meeting. Fortunately that thinking doesn't last long. Regardless of how I feel at the moment, I know I will feel great after the meeting. It is amazing that I get the emotional and spiritual nutrition I need at meetings. Of course, I supplement it during the week by reading Conference Approved Literature and keeping in touch with sponsors and friends. The meeting, though, is special. The totally honest sharing by members brings me a feeling of closeness that is truly unique. When my memory serves me well, I can feast on their sharings for a week.
When I hear the group sharing positive attitudes, it gives me courage to face my problems. I find our meeting to be the one truly serene hour of my day. Because the group accepts me, it becomes easier for me to accept myself in any situation. They do not judge, correct, or try to change me in any way. They leave that to me. There is never a time frame suggested, just the saying, "Keep coming back!" I look forward to each meeting and the humor we share. We tell newcomers that we hope they will not find our laughter confusing. Although we learn not to take ourselves too seriously, we take the Al-Anon program very seriously.
When members share, I sometimes think, "I did that. I remember being in that situation; maybe I am getting better." I polish Al-Anon's gift of awareness at the meeting as I find out more about myself and listen to others relate their feelings. I only have to wait patiently and the newcomers' special sharings help satisfy my appetite for the program, and they are my reward.
The meeting is a great learning experience for me, where I receive the nutrients I need to grow in the program. As a bonus, the nutrients are sodium- and cholesterol-free and just packed with love.
| I
showed up at Al-Anon's door a month after my wife and I
separated.
I went once prior, but she expressed her disenchantment at my doing so.
When I had met my lovely wife-to-be, she told me she was an alcoholic trying a "detox" program. Though she no longer drank, she was not in a Twelve Step program. As a non-drinker, I didn't think anything of it. I thought it was like giving up smoking; when you do, your lungs clear up and all is well. After a whirlwind, long-distance courtship, we married. I soon found out there was a big difference between being dry and being sober. We were not young newlyweds; I was 49 and she was 44. I figured I could fix this problem--this "Jekyll and Hyde" behavior of hers. The changes in mood were blindingly sudden. I found myself drawn into arguments and didn't know how I got there. All my life I'd been a non-confrontational person. Of course, without Al-Anon, I would never know about this diabolical disease. No great crisis led to my decision to leave, though I'd lost weight, become nervous, and even developed a stutter. One morning I simply said, "I can't do this anymore." Our marriage lasted only 14 months. I was devastated over its failure. I still love this lady. It was Al-Anon that taught me to love the person but hate the disease. I walked away from a marriage I wanted so dearly. Wherever she is, I pray she is well. My peace and serenity comes and goes, but my program is always there. I work at it, like so many others--one day at a time. |
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Thirteen years in Al-Anon have carried me through a few periods that I call "droughts." Thankfully, after each drought I had a deeper spiritual awakening. Sometimes I would see newcomers transform in a few months. They'd find serenity. They looked and sounded so good that I felt jealous. In my experience, the principles I learned in this program didn't automatically extend to every situation. With each new problem in my life, I had to start over with Step One. Going back to the basic first three Steps was a lifesaver. For a long time that's all I did. Then I started following them with a written inventory of the problem I was facing and my attitude toward it. After completing Step Four, I proceeded with Steps Five through Twelve. Steps Six and Seven became beautiful meditations in my life. They helped me see why I had so much trouble letting go. I expected that surrendering was something I could do on my own. I couldn't. Today, I pray for God to help me surrender. Little by little, I hear or read something with just a little different perspective. It helps me let go and let God. Having a sponsor helps me be accountable for following the principles of Al-Anon. I've become good at making phone calls. It's one of the most nurturing things I do for myself. I also write a lot. I write letters to God, often complaining. I write about the things I'm worried about. One of my commitments today is to always finish my writing with a gratitude list. Because of my experiences growing up in an alcoholic home, I can be very negative. One day I tried to be aware of the negative thoughts I had during an hour period. It was amazing how much pessimism I became conscious of during that one hour. Today, I try to surround myself with positive energy. I tape affirmations on the mirror. I write a simple meditation to read first thing in the morning. I believe most of us who have lived with the disease of alcoholism suffer from an emotional disorder, but it is curable. I find lots of hope in Al-Anon. Like AA, we have a common solution for a common problem. The blessings and miracles we receive, however, are extraordinary. |