Al-Anon Family Group

The Forum magazine articles - April 2003

The following articles from the April 2003 issue are reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqs., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.  For more articles, check The Forum archive.

 

Recently I was standing in the "quick" checkout line at the grocery store.  There was a lengthy delay with a customer's check and I could hear grumbling from the people waiting behind me.  Before Al-Anon, I would have reacted to this type of situation by shifting from one foot to the other, turning to give "knowing" glances to my fellow sufferers, and sighing impatiently.  Of course I never would have complained vocally, which was consistent with how I dealt with unpleasant alcoholic situations in my life.  I suffered in silence, allowing my body language to convey my displeasure.      Al-Anon principles have helped me see how I can be part of the problem, or part of the solution.  I felt so serene waiting in that line, knowing I did not have the power to change what was happening.  By accepting the situation I could stand in line quietly while peacefully scanning magazine covers.  I knew the clerk was doing her very best to resolve the problem and she needed my consideration, not my contempt.      When the line finally moved, the customer behind me said loudly, "I hope no one else is going to write a check."  I turned, smiled warmly, and said, "I thought I would write three," and of course everyone laughed, which broke the tension.  I feel I can speak to others in this manner because I felt no animosity to any of the other customers.  I've learned in Al-Anon to love everyone in a very special way.

 

I am grateful to be in Alateen.  Just 18 months ago I had a negative nickname for this life-saving program.  I was one to judge and had no idea of the miracles in this program.      Alateen has given me a new beginning.  I don't have to go back to crazy behavior to satisfy myself.  I can be happy and serene.  Before this program, I didn't know how to be happy or what serenity meant.  I don't have to dislike myself anymore.  I can love the alcoholic for who he is, because if it weren't for him I wouldn't be here.      I use the Daily Checklist for Myself (S-6) every day to do a Fourth Step inventory.  I can now make amends and feel good because making amends is for me.  Before Alateen, people couldn't pay me enough to make amends.      This program has turned my life around.  Now the only thing for me to do is give back.  I love to speak.  I can sponsor other people and maybe give them a little bit of what I have.  I am truly grateful for what I've become and it's all because of this worldwide fellowship of Alateen and Al-Anon.

 

When I first came to Al-Anon, I was in what I now like to call my martyrdom stage.  I was the smart one and the responsible one.  I took care of the house, the children, and the bills.  I also made sure we had money reserved for emergencies.      I could tell you all the ways my alcoholic husband was not like me.  I could tell you everything he did incorrectly and I reminded him of them everyday.  What I didn't realize was how negatively I was affecting my children and our household.  I was affecting our lives horribly, not the alcoholic--me, the perfect, self-sacrificing one.  How blind I had become in my self-righteousness.      In terms of emotional and spiritual growth, Al-Anon, including my friends in the program and my first sponsor, is the most important thing that has ever happened in my life.  Today I know that I am not the almighty.  My Higher Power is.  What a blessing for my family, and what a weight lifted from my shoulders.  I can be happy today whether things go just as I'd like them to or not.      I'm happy again and my children are happier.  Without my help, my husband is actually doing things differently.  How about that?  Thank you, God, for this program.