Al-Anon Family Group

The Forum magazine articles - March 2008

The following articles from the March 2008 issue are reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqs., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.  For more articles, check The Forum archive.

 

Sometimes it takes a concerned friend to make us aware that we need Al-Anon. In my case, it was my meditation instructor. I attempted suicide twice. After growing up with an alcohol-abusing father and a violently abusive mother, I left home as soon as I could and found myself in a relationship with an alcoholic. I worked two jobs while he collected welfare; I bought his liquor. I drank too, and I never understood why he didn't want to stop until he was involved in a dispute of some kind, usually with his violent, alcoholic brother. When I left for a year of graduate school abroad, I was shocked that I couldn't function. I dropped out of school and returned to him, not realizing that my addiction to him was as strong and harmful as his addiction to drinking. I began treating the alcoholic very badly and working as a strip per in addition to my day job. I had no friends and it seemed that people went out of their way to hurt me. Before long, my belligerent, self-pitying personality led to a final break up with the alcoholic. It was then I sliced my wrists repeatedly. Years of unbearable pain followed. I cut myself to gain admission to psych wards where I believed I might find help. I got involved with a depressed patient with drug and alcohol issues. I overdosed. The pain went on and on. Even when 1 went back to school and found a part-time job in my field, I felt empty. I had panic attacks and stayed in bed all day when I wasn't working. Finally, I ended up at a meditation center, having exhausted all other possibilities. I wanted to die, but my meditation instructor told me about Al-Anon. I finally learned I didn't have to feel this way. I could "let go and let Goddess" and allow my Higher Power to address everything I had been micromanaging. It's been a year for me in Al-Anon now and I read literature or attend a meeting pretty much every day. I am so happy to say my panic attacks are gone. I no longer contemplate suicide. I have found a new, supportive relationship. I am off disability. I no longer self-injure. I love my full-time job. I'm almost ready to work Step Four.

 

Looking back on my life, I discovered that I have built many bridges without realizing it, some of which were not wise. I have also built many walls. During the active drinking days, I built a wall around myself and no bridge could reach me. I was trying to search for a better life, but I could not let the walls down long enough to let a bridge from the outside connect with my inside. Finally the wall crumbled; I could no longer keep it up with my resentments and anger. I reached out to the bridge that was waiting for me-the bridge to Al-Anon Family Groups. I crossed that bridge into a life that I never thought possible. I had always had a relationship with a Higher Power, but it wasn't until I came into Al-Anon that I realized it was not of the depth I wanted it to be. I started my quest for spirituality with the help I received in the meeting rooms and with my Sponsor. Through example, I was shown spirituality by the love, understanding, and support that not only my Sponsor gave me but that all the members of my group gave me. It had been passed on to them through the bridges that our early pioneers had built so many years ago. Oh, how grateful I am that those bridges were built strong enough to last all these years and are strong enough to continue to be bridges into the future of Al-Anon world wide. Through my years in Al-Anon I have had many occasions where I have had to reach out and search again to strengthen my spiritual life. When I came into Al-Anon I was naive enough to think that all my problems would be over. How wrong I was. There have been many occasions when all I have had to hang onto was my belief that my Higher Power would get me through. Each new pain not only strengthened my spiritual life but also made me aware that I must always strive to continue my search for an even deeper relationship with my Higher Power. I know that by continuing to work this program, I will continue to strengthen and energize my spiritual quest.

 

Tradition Three: The relatives of alcoholics, when gathered together for mutual aid, may call themselves an AI-Anon Family Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. I just returned from an Al-Anon meeting that addressed Tradition Three. At this meeting, our focus was on the "coming together for mutual aid" part of the Tradition. We came to Al-Anon with a deep desire to fit into a group that could alleviate the loneliness of the isolation of our embarrassment and damaged self-esteem. We were afraid to let another into our soul but desperately wanted to have the safety of a group in which our voice would be heard and appreciated. Many of us came from an environment in which one person spoke with authority and our unity depended on following that one voice. We were, so often, conformists who wanted no controversy. Many of us were like chameleons in our efforts to please others, to be what other people wanted us to be. We wished to simplify our confusion by seeing things as black and white. We neither had the courage to speak nor did we have the skills to listen. After our first courageous step through the doors of Al-Anon, we found a different kind of group. We found people who were willing to love and respect us as we were. We began to understand the need for learning this new way of life. We grew in Al-Anon as we learned its principles. With honesty, we share the experience, strength, and hope of our recovery. We learn that we truly belong as we listen to members tell their story and say things that we don't have the vocabulary to express. Our isolation breaks away. We are able to share, with equal importance, our gems of experience and learning. Sometimes, as we go around the table, a quiet person comes forth with a gem that is most helpful. It is through this sharing that we realize the strength of the group-a definite Higher Power in all of our lives. Our common bond is strong as we grow together. Our group is strong because we let other affiliations outside the door and talk with that new Al-Anon vocabulary that speaks so clearly to our recovery. We trust in the power of the Steps and Traditions and come to the meetings to get "pumped up" for the week. "Nothing in my life makes me feel so good," said one member. I think that she speaks for many of us.