Al-Anon Family GroupAl-Anon Family Group
The following articles from the August 2007 issue
are reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqs.,
Inc., Virginia Beach, VA. For more articles, check The Forum archive.
From:
Zip 23454 (p 8)
Trying to force a solution doesn't work
Barbara E., Arizona
I have spent many hours and days caught up in the frenzy of trying too hard to solve a problem. Before Al-Anon, I would try to force solutions to coincide with the way I thought things should be. What I've come to learn from listening to long-timers in the rooms of Al-Anon is that my Higher Power is worth my trust.
I've heard over and over again how the God of our understanding knows the solution even before we are aware of the challenge. With this knowledge I made a daily decision to surrender. "Let Go and Let God," keep an open mind and heart, and let go of my preconceived ideas of what the answer should be.
My morning meditation and reading of Al-Anon literature further reinforces this decision. Sharings from other Al-Anons and Alateens remind me all I can do is make the most of today.
If I want peace and serenity, I need to trust my recovery, the tools of the program, and be still enough to allow my Higher Power's plan to unfold.
“The alcoholic's drinking didn't wreck my life. I was on the path to doing a good job of that myself.” My life is not always serene and content. Some days the old behaviors take over, but thanks to the principles of Al-Anon, those old attitudes don't get to stay around for long.
I don't know where I would be if I hadn't had the good fortune of having active alcoholism in my home. Years ago when I first started attending meetings, I would get annoyed when some longtimer said, "I'm so grateful for the alcoholic in my life." I thought the person saying that must be nuts.
To make matters worse, many of the other people in the room would be nodding and smiling in agreement. How could anyone ever be grateful to have an alcoholic wrecking their life? It took a few—make that many— meetings for me to understand what was meant by that crazy comment. First of all, the alcoholic's drinking didn't wreck my life. I was on the path to doing a good job of that by myself.
I thought I had it all together but I was depressed, controlling, and manipulative. The alcoholic's drinking only served as the vehicle that brought me through the doors of Al-Anon and showed me that I was the one responsible for my unhappiness. I had the power to change me— no one else—-just me.
Second, Al-Anon showed me that I could be kind, thoughtful, and caring, not just to others, but to myself. I started to like me—and because I did, I liked my life.
After many years of living with active drinking, the alcoholic and I parted ways. We are still in touch and we each have our own program. He still struggles but so do I.
The difference in my struggle is I know where the answer lies. I have the tools, support, and love in the rooms of Al-Anon to get me through the rough patches and onto the smooth stretches. I only have to reach out. Sometimes it's only a thought voiced by someone in a meeting that puts me back on track. It doesn't matter if the words come from a longtimer or a newcomer. For me, they are invaluable.
So, you see, I am grateful for the alcoholic, because without him, I wouldn't have Al-Anon and I wouldn't have the "me" I have come to love.
| After yet another failed relationship with
a man who turned out to be abusive, I reached my bottom. I was so screwed
up: crying, trying to hold it all together, and struggling financially—since
he left me with a pile of bills. I was truly ashamed, since I'm an educated professional. I was angry for letting myself be duped again. Was I ever going to find a decent guy to have a relationship with? Fortunately, my Higher Power steered me to counseling sessions. I looked in the phone book, picked a name of a woman counselor, and showed up. After our first meeting, she gave me some "homework." She told me to go to an Al-Anon meeting, and that they could help me. I replied, "Isn't Al-Anon for alcoholics? I'm not an alcoholic... my father is." Then she told me that Al-Anon is for family members and friends of alcoholics. I was still skeptical. I replied half-heartedly—never intending to follow her advice—that I'd have to call and find out when they met. Right then and there, she handed me the Area meeting schedule. I agreed to pick one meeting, get to it, and then get back to her after I had done my homework. I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting here in New York. There was a lady named Martha speaking about celebrating her tenth anniversary in Al-Anon. She had such serenity about her! I said to myself, "I want what she has." I went to every meeting I could get to, and I kept going back. Later on, I would ask Martha to become my first Sponsor. The people in the rooms of Al-Anon were, at one time, just like me. We all had in common the disease of alcoholism in someone we loved, and would learn together how it had distorted our thinking, actions, and feelings. Alcoholism had colored all our relationships, in every area of our lives, to varying degrees. By sharing their experience, strength, and hope, the folks in the rooms of Al-Anon gave me the tools to face the future, to learn from my mistakes, and to have the courage to change myself, instead of trying to change others around me. |